Silky lingerie, lace, jewelry, revealing necklines—what happens when what is underneath the wrapping doesn’t match up to its promise? If I were attracted to a woman because she dressed up to present herself in an alluring way—exaggerating features beyond their normal shape, size, or appearance—I’d have both dehumanized her and bought into a dead-end fantasy. Pete Seeger has a song about a woman who takes him home with her and he sits at the foot of the bed watching her disassemble what he thought was her.
This is not about the pitfalls of picking up random women for one-night stands—which is not a practice I engage in anyway—but rather about our culture’s approach to adornment. And this is about men as well, with image-creating cars, jeans, watches, shoes, and hair-beard styles. The plain truth is that we, whether male or female, are consciously trying to deceive others. How many of us realize that in the process we deceive ourselves as well? By primping ourselves to fit a mold, we smother our own uniqueness and take on generic identities.
As a counterbalance, what if we were to dress down? It could challenge us to display who we are rather than who we would like to be. It might provide a backdrop for our intrinsic beauty to shine. Understatement gives the promise of more—a doorway to the mysterious and undiscovered. Perhaps it would put an end to unrealistic fantasies and letdown hangovers.
And then there is emphasis adornment places on physical appearance and instant attraction at the expense of depth of beauty. It takes time and involvement to discover the richness of character and intellect, which are often overlooked when we are conditioned to make snap judgments based on window dressing. For me, even the sensual is better served by substance than pretense. Plain clothing can make what is underneath all the more special. In fact, my mate and I so appreciate each other for who we are that we wouldn’t think to wear clothing of any kind to bed. It’s no contest—I’ll take soft, silky skin any day over soft, silky polyester.