I recently went to a dentist to have a cavity filled. While he was prepping me, I asked what kind of filler he was going to use. While he replied, it occurred to me that he might be interested in the fact that I teach wilderness dental care. I told him and his assistant about…
How Did That Feel for You?
Have you ever had an intimate sharing and then had your partner ask how it felt? When you’re obviously distraught, do people ask how you’re feeling? The rational mind has moved into the territory of feelings–which evolved as a form of nonverbal communication–and reduced them to words. When extremely distraught we might be given a…
The Skinny on Food
For much of my adult life, I have been obsessed with food—not food per se, but rather the beliefs, preferences, and obsessions that govern what we eat. My exploration has helped me see through them and make some sense of my relationship with food. Following is what I’ve found: food simplified. There are only three…
Chutzpah Counseling
Standard psychotherapy practice is based on weekly or biweekly sessions, which generally last an hour. I know numbers of people who’ve been going to their counselors for a year or more, Friday after Friday or Wednesday after Wednesday, with no end in sight. It’s become such an established part of their lives that it’s like…
The Zombie Parent Syndrome
When a parent is with a young child, yet his/her mind is off somewhere else, the child can sense that the parent doesn’t want to be there. At the same time, the child instinctively knows that she needs her parent’s’ full presence. To get it, she might try to engage the parent in play, ask…
When Pain Is Passion
Why fill the gap, why ease the pain, why quench the hunger? When I do, I become a couch potato—no passion, no joy of discovery, only a coaster being spoon-fed whatever someone else has prepared for me for whatever reason. To be unsatisfied is to find satisfaction. To be cold is to find warmth. Let…
Love is Wild
We like to approach relationship as though we were tending the perfect potted plant—we primp and prune it, we feed and water it, we take it in and out of the sun, we keep it from getting too warm or too cold. Is it any wonder that most long-standing relationships have so little spontaneity or…
Codependency Simplified
In Western cultures, the ideal is to be an independent individual: think for yourself, be self-sufficient, be a leader. Yet in the same breath we are encouraged to obey and conform. The upshot is a stratified society, where a few lead and the rest follow. There is room for only a handful of independent thinkers,…
For Maanii
“Our dear mother, Maanii is terminally ill,” stated the e-mail from her eldest daughter. “It is a matter of hours…” As quickly as we could pack, Lety and I were on the road for the nine hour drive to Canada. For over twenty years, Maani Assinewe has been our inspiration and guiding elder. Whether it’s…
Do Birds Really Sing?
To our ears, the songs of many birds are melodic and joyful sounding. They lift our hearts—we write poetry about the haunting call of the loon and the flute-like trill of the thrush. But what is birdsong to the birds? Do they see themselves as the creators of beautiful melodies, or—as many ornithologists and birders…