Love and Illusion

By | April 14, 2011

Love is give-and-take, love is putting someone else ahead of yourself, love has the power to change your life. Is this how you view love, and is this what you practice in your loving relationship? It was for me at one time, and it just about killed me.

Let’s take an objective look at the above definition of love. Stripped of the romantic overlay, does give-and-take amount to compromise? Does putting someone ahead of yourself mean giving things up? And could changing your life result in letting go of your dreams? It looks to me like we now have the definition of a codependent relationship based on victimization and enabling.

Love-based relationships are the backbone of our culture. Whether it’s the military (love your country), religion (love God), or work (love what you do), institutionalized subservience has become our way of life. Very few of us are truly happy, and we hold out for a future that we believe will somehow be different. We have lost so much that we are driven to win, whether it be the lottery, a game, academic achievement, or in nature. However, it is never enough—it does not satisfy the soul.

Yet we do our best. We form hierarchies to manage the eternal struggle between subservience and winning. We create reward systems for those who can best stomach the illusion. It keeps us civil on the surface, allowing us to at least exist, even if it is not living, and to multiply, even though we destroy all that lies before us.

Here is a line from a letter I received yesterday: “I gave up my free life for my community, and following my dreams was no longer possible for me. But then I learned about truthspeaking—expressing my real self.” Does love have to mean surrender? What if it was possible to get back in touch with the song of our heart and truly live it—with somebody else? If you’ve achieved it, I’d like to hear your story.

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