Inspiration #3: How Idealism Keeps Us Sick

By | July 6, 2016

It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience with my therapist colleague, and this awareness is another one of the reasons why.

Ideals can play an important role in guiding our lives. At the same time, ideals can keep us crippled and dysfunctional. I see people-me included–hiding behind relationship ideals when we don’t want to admit our pain or inability to resolve differences. We hold ideals up as banners for action when we are unsure of ourselves and need justification for what we do. We use ideals to impassion and motivate us when it doesn’t come spontaneously from within. Even when we lack a reason for being, we can adopt a fill-in ideal.

When I ascribe to an ideal and feel threatened or criticized, I often find that the best defense is to be offended. I then don’t have to speak in the first person: you are talking to my beliefs, not me. I don’t have to acknowledge my feelings, and I don’t have to get in touch with my own truth or express it. Does this mean that I think holding ideals is not a good thing to do? I’ll leave that for you to decide. Yet, I will tell you what I have found to be helpful for myself, and what I have seen work for others, whether or not they are idealists:
*       Own your own stuff.
*       Don’t self-flagellate.
*       Don’t dump on others.


I know, to be real is easier said than done. Yet, if we can sucker up to who and how we are and then move on, we have broken the spell of disconnectedness, both from self and others. Even more so, we have created an oasis of consciousness-idealism’s kryptonite. As like begets like, we are sure to encourage more awakening around us.

1 Comment

Tracy Verdev on July 9, 2016 at 7:35 am.

I inadvertently came across your website. As a writer myself, I am very much enjoying it. I have not had the chance to explore much of it, but just reading this latest blog post leaves me wanting more. I believe you would be a very interesting, and life-changing person to meet and converse with. Thank you for sharing.

Tracy Verdev


Leave Your Comment

Your email will not be published or shared. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>